Been thinking today.
About work.
About Sha.
About us.

Clara left S-P just a few days ago. Her job scope is a little too harsh on her - Too physical, she said. I'm more worried about my shift work. What if I forgot how to do some tests. What if I screw up the test and I had to generate a Lab Investigation? What if I keep generating LIs and get sacked the next day? :(

And Sha.... My gawd... Sometimes I think he doesn't even care if I cared about him or not. He's a good friend of mine. And for the first time I've felt like I know this person for years when I only knew him for a few months.
Crazy and very cliché talk, I know.
But seriously, I am serious.

He's already 28. He should get settled down or at least have someone in mind to settle down with. Once you reach 30..... it may be too late. I'm 21. I still got a whole stretch of life ahead of me. I don't care if Sha isn't the one for me, I can still grab some other dude. LOL.

It's weird yeah?

Thinking back on how I noticed him when I was working at TOS, it kinda felt silly at times.
I mean, I DID notice him at first. But I didn't dare made any moves because you know, he might be attached and stuffs. So at that time, he was just my private eye candy. No body knows I was kinda attracted to him. ;o
My office colleagues on the other hand, dropped hints about a certain dude I should take notice of. Inside, I know it was him. I just acted dumb and *cough*innocent*cough*. XD

Then the other 3rd party came - Azman.

He's... not a bad guy overall.
He actually made the 1st move on me. I'm a nice girl. I couldn't reject him. So... I went out with him a couple of times, ate lunch together, went to his house (TO HANG OUT AND WATCH TV! NOTHING ELSE YOU PERVERTED FREAKS) and disturb each other at work. Christine, one of my colleague, thought we were already together and told this news to Sha. (according to her)
During my last week, she (and the rest of the office folks because news pass very fast lol) told me that Azman wasn't really suitable for me. Background wise and academically. We're like a rock and a feather. You know, never really match together.

I never thought of going serious with Azman anyway. I'm not a dumb girl. I know how to choose my dude for a serious relationship.

He's a fun guy to hang out with - but not for a serious r/s with me.

Sha on the other hand, is the complete opposite. He has a degree on Aerospace Eng, (2 Engineering couples ftw?! XD), he has a good family background (or so I heard) and has a very VERY strong religious beliefs. (My mum would absolutely LOVE to have him XD)

Sometimes writing all this out does bug me.
The world is a small place, you write something on the net, it's bound to be found one day.
I'm worried.
I'm worried if he happens to stumble on this blog of mine.

I'll feel even sillier than the time I sent him my 1st email to him.

:(

So after this and that and a couple of months later, here I am - with nothing accomplished.
Nothing changed, well other than the fact that I can talk to Sha now, he's no longer a private eye candy. Other than that.... I just feel that we are just friends.

Love is nothing if it's only one side feeling it.
It feels more like an infatuation or lust.

I don't even know if he feels the same way I do.

=/